Here's what's on TV this fall, along with how many episodes I'll watch before giving up.
Sunday:
NEW Masters of Sex: Remember Lizzy Caplan's sex scenes in True Blood like 20 years ago or whatever? Yeah, those were great. Anyway, I'm not watching this. (Showtime 10 p.m. EST 9/29)
Bob's Burgers (FOX 8:30 9/29)
Family Guy (FOX 9 9/29)
Eastbound & Down: Load it up and truck it (HBO 10 9/29)
Monday:
HIMYM: Final season, mom's here, everything takes place over one weekend, let's do this. (CBS 8 9/23)
NEW Almost Human: A new sci-fi show on Fox? WHAT COULD GO WRONG? Don't confuse this show with Being Human or Not Quite Human, this is the one where Mama's not the law, I'm the law. (FOX 8 11/4)
NEW We Are Men: You can do it, Jerry O'Connell. You can star in a sitcom that lasts longer than 8 episodes. I believe in you. This isn't it, though. I will watch both episodes that air. (CBS 8:30 9/30)
Tuesday:
NEW Dads: Seth MacFarlane understands the importance of casting attractive women. Will watch for entirety of its run, unless it's terrible. (FOX 8 9/17)
NEW Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Real cops don't act like this. Entirely possible that I won't even make it through the pilot. (FOX 8:30 9/17)
NEW Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Cobie Smulders is in the pilot, so I'll watch the pilot. (ABC 8 9/24)
NEW Trophy Wife: Malin Akerman (good) marries Bradley Whitford (what) and his ex-wives and several children don't like her. I don't understand how this got written, produced, picked up, and put on the air. I will watch the opening five minutes. (ABC 9:30 9/24)
Wednesday:
NEW The Tomorrow People: This was a show in the 70s, and then a show in the 90s. Memories of The Tomorrow People are never truly forgotten. They just get...locked away. Also I'm not watching this. (CW 9 10/9)
Always Sunny: Shit, I need to find out what channel FXX is. (FXX 10 9/4)
The League: Oh, there it is. 619. (FXX 10:30 9/4)
Thursday:
NEW The Crazy Ones: Maybe if James Spader was the star of this show instead of The Blacklist, I could promise to watch more than two episodes. (CBS 8 9/26)
NEW The Michael J. Fox Show: Michael J. Fox's daring return to television (again). I'm watching every episode, you're watching every episode, let's not kid ourselves here. (NBC 9:30 9/26)
Friday:
Hawaii Five-0 (CBS 9 9/27)
NEW Enlisted: Buried on Friday night, it shouldn't be too much trouble to watch the three episodes of this that make it to air before cancellation. (Fox 9:30 11/8)
Saturday:
SNL (NBC 11:30 9/28)
