Terminatin' Mr. Cooper

My favorite kind of terminator has long been the one that marks the split between the night and day side of a planetary body. I also enjoy movies about autonomous robot soldiers called terminators, but as a general concept, it's hard to really like them best, since most of what they do tends to be killing people.

However, last night I found out that I already personally know a terminator (killing robot type), and that he has been sent back in time to kill the future leader of the resistance, Anderson Cooper. The terminator's name is Tanner, and he is a T-888 advanced infiltration unit with interpersonal relations programming so advanced he could even get married (to a fat chick).

I was unaware of this fact for years, even though the clues have always been there. For instance, Tanner has to soak his arm in ice water every day, ostensibly to help with "tendonitis," but what I now know to be a typical terminator procedure for repairing a damaged mimetic polyalloy. Also, Tanner often refers to errands as "objectives," another something that terminators do.

But it all came together last night, when Tanner was insistent on us going to see an Anderson Cooper speaking engagement, repeatedly calling it his "primary objective." I agreed, but only because I like to have my picture taken with famous people.

Before I could get a better shot of myself and Anderson, though, Tanner made an attempt to accomplish his "primary objective," which resulted in him being forcibly ejected from the building by security. He told me later he was trying to give Anderson a flier for a party, but I know he made an attempt on the life of the only man who can save the human race.

I also know that the reason security was able to forcibly eject a T-888 terminator was because they were also terminators, but ones that had been reprogrammed and sent back in time to protect Anderson Cooper.