That's some island.

Can you imagine how impressive and awesome a person would have to be in order to hold that pose in real life for, say, 15 minutes? Obviously, the kind of person who cannot be trusted sexually. The kind of person whose fate lies on the paesaggi abbandonati della...

ISOLA DELLA TIGRE!

Tiger Island. Where tigers kiss. Bacio della tigre!

No Escape!

I remember thinking this sign said something really hilarious at 3:30 in the morning, probably "Poop Avenue." Anyway, now it says "Lazer."


And here's what happens when you try to escape from Tiger Island. For you see, there is no escape from...

TIGER ISLAND!

Did I mention Autumn Reeser was a regular cast member next season?

She plays Taylor Townsend. Oh, look! Van Damme cuddling with a kitty!

ON THE NEXT “ACCESS HOLLYWOOD:” MISCHA BARTON CONFIRMS HER CHARACTER ON “THE O.C.” DIES AND REVEALS WHAT THE SHOW HAS IN STORE FOR FANS.

You're living in a Dreamworld.

Just seems to me that if you're going to be buying She-Hulk, you should do it through me.

And remember, now is the perfect time to get caught up with the series, which just concluded a two-part story that emphasizes the strong, important, and true moral: If you are a sexy male alien whom no woman can resist, you are a sexual predator and need to be tried for your crimes against womanity.

And what does the law do with sexual predators? It banishes them to live among their own on the scarred hellscape that is....

TIGER ISLAND!

Alternate placement possibilities for sexual predators include Wiggle's World and The After Dark Park.

In case you haven't seen it...

And, lest you think me ignorant, I present to my own self a cautionary tale of what the future holds for me if I stay the course.

Look upon this dancing, ye mighty, and despair!

I'm not saying you're wrong...

Have you heard Trace Adkins seminal 2005 smashly acclaimed C&W hit, "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"? Today, I did. I don't think anyone could have seen it coming, but really, we shoulda, brudda. I would share some choice Jungian anals* for this cultural collision, but honestly, my give-a-damn's give-a-dizamn's busted.**

*I have some choice Freudian stuff for that.

**I didn't buy Karaoke Revolution Country. Or, for that matter, Get On 'Da Mic. So, yeah, maybe I AM saying you're wrong.