Models Inc.

Another Ultimate Party

As I recall, this party was of the birthday variety.

Some people jumped over a fire. Pretty sure that was (King) Kharl pictured above. If not, then it was someone else!

I didn't participate, due to knee-related injuries. Don't cry for me, though! I got better!

Slavery is Bad.

There have been times in the past where I have gone to a party, had some beers, taken some pills, snorted some lines, smoked some reefer, bonged more of what was available in all the previous categories, jumped over fire, and caught the whole shebang on film. Of the whole shebang, there have been times when I posted a picture or two here to share how radically rad me and mine are in that kind of environment. But not tonight.

No. Tonight, instead of sharing a picture, I would like to share a conversation that I had, that actually happened, that I engaged in, with another person. This whole thing, on her end, at least, is totally genuine, serious, and all other things for real. I was trying my best, but my level of sincerity hasn't really risen above "iffy" since kindergarten, when my teacher made me sit in the hall for five minutes for shouting, and I swore revenge on all humanity for the indignity. And I only gave it my best shot in this latest instance because this woman (let's call her Dinah) loudly announced to all within earshot that she had broken off a marriage today, and was really fuckin' excited about meetin' so many goddamn great people here tonight. Woot!

Anyway, I did my best. To set the scene, I'm having a conversation with John about my physical therapy, and how the televisions in the physical therapy studio are all set to Fox News, which really fuckin' sucks.

Me: Yeah, so all the TVs are set to Fox News, which really fuckin' sucks!

John: Yeah. That sucks.

Dinah(!!!): I don't even watch TV anymore.

Me: Well, I'd agree with not watching the news channels in general, but there's some good stuff on TV, too.

Dinah: Yeah, but I find TV too distracting. I'd rather read a book.

Me: I would say that a book is more distracting than TV.

Dinah: I'd just rather discuss something, y'know? Like, read a book and talk about it with someone?

Me: Oh, okay... well, have you read that new John Irving book? [What I am reading right now. I thought about saying Harry Potter because if she was reading something right now, duh. But I was honestly going for sincerity here, and I'm not reading Harry Potter. I'm reading John Irving.]

Dinah: The new one, or any John Irving?

Me: Either one, really.

Dinah: No. But I did read King Leopold's Ghost.

Me: Oh? What's that about, is it fiction?

Dinah: No, it's about slavery.

Me: An historical work then? Kinda like Roots, I guess? Because I read the first couple of pages of Roots.

Dinah: No, it's deeper than Roots.

Me: So you read Roots, too?

Dinah: No, but I saw the TV movie.

It's funny because everything she said hangs together, logically. King Leopold's Ghost effectively trumps Roots because Roots was on TV. My only regret is that Dinah is too smart to ever be my friend.

Harry Potter Bean-Counting Contest

BJ won this contest, and the prize was those beans like the little magicians eat in the books, but he can have them as far as I'm concerned. Have you heard what the flavors are? Some of that shit tastes like ear wax. Grody.

FF/ACL Pain

I tore my ACL, had surgery on the mug, and am currently experience some atrophying-type pain at all hours. Give me a month.

(Although, I WAS swimming two days after surgery, dancing after three, and drinking heavily again after seven).

Also after a week, I went to see Fantastic Four. Some bullets:

• Perfect Cast.
• Worst extras I have ever seen in a film. What was the deal with that woman following the Thing outside of the bike arena, staring him down for 30 seconds in one shot? And the girls at the end of the film who diligently waited for the opportunity to have the Human Torch ask for their names and shots were quite obvious about that goal.
• The Thing is having pancakes with Dr. Doom.
• Dr. Doom sticking his hand in a machine makes the Thing Ben Grimm again.
• Dr. Doom says "2 down, 2 to go," when, as far as he is concerned, 3 are down, 1 is to go.
• A reporter asks the Human Torch if it is true he can fly, when there was no indication for the crowd that this was remotely possible.
• Everyone EXCEPT Sue Storm thought she was dating Dr. Doom for two years. TWO YEARS. How does someone maintain that level of obliviousness? Be as hot as Jessica Alba.
• Freak of Nature, huh? Next time, try using Dr. Doom fuckin' with the numbers as the reason that the science experiment goes wrong. That is the traditional and proper origin path.
• Was the fact that Mark Frost co-created Twin Peaks the reason that this film was so continuity-challenged?
• One scene: The FF can't leave the Baxter Building. Next scene: The Invisible Girl is out walking around. NEXT scene: The FF can't leave the Baxter Building.
  
• Doom's assistant was the finest screen performance of the year. Dead on.
• Chris Evans was on fire. The man did no wrong in his manic performance of, "I am going into this situation winning. I will come out the other side winning."
• How much more money did they dump on stretching effects? Because I kept looking for that, and they all looked like shit. They will look even more like shit in six months.
• Let's give Peyton Reed $60 Million and see what his Jonny Quest-style retro extravaganza looks like.

Sometimes life provides you with bad movies, and all you can do is watch them. I guess.

Birthday Beer Pong

There ought to be a law.

As we speak, roving gangs of 14 year-olds are hitting the streets, listening to Zep and chugging all the champagne of beers they can find. They are also in the latter stages of a "nic-fit."

Liquor Loogie in Goshen

This contraption is called a "Liquor Loogie." No, wait, that could just be what I called it. In either case, this was one of those parties where we didn't know anyone, really, but it was such a long drive we stayed and drank all their booze off an ice sculpture slide anyway. I remember Daft Punk got played on the dance floor so that was cool, too.

Halcyon Days of Ladykilling

These two pictures were taken on separate nights, but both were nights when my game was about as 'on' as I guess it'll ever get. And yet, everyone around me just seems disgusted by me. I don't think it's a coincidence. Too bad, if only I could have everything, then I'd be happy.

Milkin' a Disc

When a fella "milks" a disc, it means that the first one to bust the shit in two officially has dibs on...something, even I'm not entirely sure. Like most drinking activities, pride and shirtlessness is involved. Take cover, ladies.