So, you work for Carl, eh?

Finished Neuromancer. Liked it, can't wait for simstim to really ramp up into a national pastime. Think I'll finish Dune Messiah next. Snap!

Review of Invincible #16

No, shut up. No, stop talking. STOP IT. Listen to me! Just go buy Invincible #16. That's it. You'll feel great after you read it. It's awesome. Just do it. And now, a general note to the author:

Dear Robert Kirkman,

Please stop wasting both your and my time on other titles. Write Invincible. Only. I know you love it the best. You know you love it the best. Give me 284 more issues and we'll be cool.

Sincerely,
Evan McB

Punisher 2099 (2004) review

Invincible. I love Invincible. I also love the fact that Kirkman has a Darkhawk proposal lying around. Good guy, good guy.

Mhan. Pop Mhan. You don't know, okay? You just don't know. I was there for Asylum. I was there for Avengelyne. I was there for Union. So there it is. I love the man's art.

But...

They had things going against them from the beginning. Retconning 2099? The most unnecessary action ever (evah). Why not reward me for knowing Spidey 2099 #1 through Manifest Destiny? I honestly don't see too many people needing a future version of these characters that didn't already have at least familiarity with what we already had.

The issue itself is as serviceable as most short stories written by anyone ever. There's just as much to pick apart here as from anyone who used this amount of space to tell a story, honestly. Let's break it down: Castle + Natchios = Bitch, but her crusade may not be totally righteous {divided by} an unknown factor of a husband who may contribute to a division in her soul that leads to the inevitable outcome of physical manifestation (see: CANCER), but with the conclusion of a son whose actions are divided by morality and duty.

So that's kind of like an Aesop's Fable.

You should never drink at ten in the morning!

R.I.P. Martha Wayne

I had dinner with my parents tonight. During the conversation, my mother made a "joke" regarding the use of a telephone to call me.

"Batman, this is your mother. I won't use your real name, because the line's not secure," y'know, like not giving away Batman's secret identity.

Needless to say, I found this terribly offensive.

Sombrero Antics

Not Much to See Here

Hulk Hands

Toil and Trouble

Ultimate Elektra #2 Review

"It's no wonder you have to pay for your dates."

Yep. That'll happen.

True Tales of Parental Terror

Before I was born, my dad behaved very similar to a crazy person. Once, he had between one and eighty beers, and promptly proceeded to bring the lawnmower inside and mow the carpet. Even by P.J. O'Rourke's strictest definition, PARTY had been achieved. My mother's innocence in the matter, as always, is up for debate.

Extreme

For the great taste that will give you back the 300 calories you just lost to a dancing revolution, as well as never letting you down, make it a Red Stripe. Cool Man now standard with every case.

Football Town

How cool is it to park cars in my yard for an easy bill on game day? How much cooler is it for some guys to give me a six pack for saving their spot when they run to the liquor store? I'm sorry, did you say ALL THE WAY COOL? Well, you're right. It is ALL THE WAY COOL.

Black Kryptonite

It splits your torso in two and makes your true self fight against your other true self.

In Terms of Synchronicity

So, who do you think has been killing all those fine ladies in Identity Crisis? When Avengers #500 came out and Ant-Man bit it, I thought, reasonably enough, I figured, I thought, I pondered, and considered, and I quote myself here, "I bet it was the Atom. I mean, all the other mantles on the cover of Identity Crisis #7 have already gone down that path. Yeah. Atom. I'm smart."

But today, I read Avengers #502. And so now I think it's Green Arrow. Yeah. Green Arrow. That'll really piss Kevin Smith off.

Yeah. Smart. Me. Yeah.

Tuesday Morning

I had a dream that I went to France, and everyone was really polite and welcoming, but John was there too, and he was in charge of driving (a Tahoe), and he would be driving entirely too fast. I warned him, but we got pulled over anyway. (???)

It's a tune with a beat, but even when I'm alone, I don't feel entirely appropriate singing along with Liz Phair's "Hot White Cum." I don't think it'll make K Rev v4.

Ferry Corsten's "Right of Way" 2 Disc Set? Yeah, that's hot. Big woop. Wanna fight about it?

Microcosm

I don't pretend to know what the kids are doing these days, but I do act righteously indignant when it's not what I'm doing. I'm kinda snotty like that. So yeah, as if you asked:

Karaoke Revolution v3 will be out for ps2 in November. I thought they would go with green, everyone else thought yellow, and woops, turns out the primary color scheme was the best bet here. Thrilled about the new duet and duel modes, and I'm absolutely positive I will break 40,000 on expert on "The Reason." Marv feels the same about "When I'm Gone." We'll see. Ashley is confident on "Come Clean," and I'm inclined to believe her (she's a girl). The other biggie is "Unchained Melody." You will believe an audience can swoon.

Karaoke Revolution v1 will be made available for XBoX in November as well, I believe. Same song line-up, with 10 new Motown Hits and the promise of downloadable content. I bought a ps2 strictly for Kingdom Hearts, and a Gamecube only because I desperately needed to bring those blue sparks. This, to me, is XBoX's killer app. The new DOA Ultimate doesn't hurt, either.

Don't go see Sky Captain unless you can make it the 8th or 9th time you've seen it. First time I've ever seen a movie that sucked so bad yet I JUST KNEW that I would end up watching it hundreds of times over the next several decades and end up loving it. Don't ask me how that works.

ATTN: All mainstream comic types: Fucking Fuck, guys. Dave Sim did 300 issues. All I fucking want from the rest of you is goddamn 12 in a row. FUCKING 12! FUCK! (CC: You know who you are. FUCKING 12!)

Amanda is a method actor. Sarah is every director's worst nightmare.

This is not going to work.

I want you to guess which couple here is in love, and which is in like.

Does Not Compute

I do not understand people who can seem interested in a conversation, but disengage in less time than it takes to draw a breath (unless they were faking interest, der). I do not grasp the meaning of a person who will intentionally ask you to delete a digital photograph of them (unless they subscribe to the soul-stealing hypothesis). I do not rationalize the idiocy of a man who brings either of these things up in an attempt to feel or look better by comparison (unless he knows the sympathy card will cause aggro).

Why God WHY?

I never knew this picture would be so prescient.

Evan and Rachel

You couldn't tell from this picture, but my eyes are brown.

What a Joey.

This shot is the Mutt's Nuts, I'll tell ya that, mate. Eh? You're a bifter, too, then.

P says, "mmrrggnblms'ndwchgrrmab"

Bang, Spidey.

The season finale of Entourage was good stuff. I'd be upset about not having any more new eps coming up if I wasn't so ding-dang-damned excited about the season premiere of Smallville next week. Lois Lane, Margot Kidder, Bart Allen, Mxyzptlk, Diana Prince, Whitney in a flashback, more freaking Christopher Reeves with freaking John Williams stings...it's just, it's all, I mean, if this at all succeeds where Adam Knight not being Bruce Wayne failed, then...shit, I'll be happier than a man who just got a call from Scarlett Johansson.

A Balloon downtown?

"At this time of year?"

"I was thinking of buying the Gators...lunch!" "Oh, Mr. Wayne!"

"I know you love to swim."

Roy Jones Jr.

...is in the Matrix Reloaded. And it only took me 45 viewings to figure that out. Jeez. Here's looking to the fight on the 25th. Let's hope the man doesn't embarrass himself again.

Also, the cast of the Real World: Philadelphia may be the most ridiculously shallow of any RW assembly yet. God, I wish I was on that show.

UPDATE: As it turns out, he did embarrass himself, and also I was never on the Real World.

01:14 AM

By the time I came to his side again, it was far, far too late.

12:14 AM

The BEAST? Always a good decision.

Mischief

This guy told me that I had played knifey-spoony before.

I'm sorry, did you say...ROOMMATES FOR EVER??!?!?

Remember Back to the Future III? When I played Clint Eastwood? Good times.

Notes on Pop Culture feat. Atari!

• But first, the news...Star Wars DVD transfers are the most anally awe-inspiring work of dust-cleaning I've ever seen.
• Go is incredibly hard. But you should not play if you do not know the ladder.
• She-Hulk is the best serial fiction of the twenty-first century. I wish Juan Bobillo was responsible for designing the ladies I met.
• And Champagne is a total drinking pussy. You heard it!!

Time Enough for Cyberpunk

Turns out Heinlein was a genius. And, apparently, Eternity's favorite game is Candyland. Well, it would be if I wrote that book. Which, when you think about it, is the entire point. Yeah. yeah.

I'm starting Neuromancer...now, no...now.

Review of the New Esquire

it was good

Ode to Noah Guffington

Dearth of Life

by T.S. Elliot

And there upon the road I sat, while a salamander spat.
This salamander was not much fun, similar to Guffington.
Johnson, though, knew his stuff, yet his name was not buff.
Noguff was his monicker, a flighty turd who kept not heard,
Nor seen, nor felt upon, opposite of Noah, sir.

For you see, Noah G., was how you started that man's name.
Now can you tell me who went and who came?

Notes on Love Notes

John got a note...FROM A GIRL!

The Meaning of Willpower

BJ brought over two baby coffetables. I want to bust them up so badly.

Blackout! (by Method and Red)

He's asleep.

Best trick...ever?

Once you train your dog to eat your spit, a bond is forged that can never be broken.

PSI, double-barrel action, infrared scope, range of 3 miles, and made completely out of used pinball machine parts. I don't even know this guy.

So Smart In His Fine Uniform.

This is a picture of a picture of me. My glasses are fake. So are her's.

This is what you would call a "Puma."

Clean it up!

Carol's a sun chick, yeah.

Big game today.

Party Party Join Us Join Us

Is this a mullet? If you answered yes, do you still find me attractive? If you do not, is this in spite of or because I obviously know how to party? If you do not think I know how to party, why are you so hard to impress?